


To Fill the Air With Words

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Series: Finding Home Away From Home (GQ/NB Dean Winchester with Shadow Moon Fics) [14]
Category: American Gods (TV), American Gods - Neil Gaiman, Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Umbrella, Crossover Pairings, Dean Has Powers, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean is Fae, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fae Dean Winchester, Fae Gender, Fae and Fairies, Gaslighting, Gaslighting Recovery, Gaslighting of the Self, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Grey-Asexual Dean Winchester, Internalized Acephobia, Mentions of Faerie Magic, Negotiations, Nonbinary Character, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Queer Character, Queer Shadow Moon, Recovery, Self-Conscious Dean, Self-Doubt, Trans, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 15:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11649411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Sometime after the main events of this series, Winchester is still trying to figure out what is going on, what his place in it all is, and asking the age old question about his worth. (In which they both have their work cut out for them but they're willing to do it.)





	To Fill the Air With Words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sumquisum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sumquisum/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Northern Exposure (Tinker Bell Book 2)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11577768) by [roguefaerie (samidha)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie). 



Somewhere and Some Time After Lakeside

Shadow never really expected anything when he had first set eyes on Winchester. Appearances were deceiving back then in Berkeley, and it was knowing Winchester that made Shadow realize how much you couldn’t really always know. You couldn’t tell another person’s story, only they could do that.

He didn’t really have words now for his own story when it came to Winchester, either. The truth was, with anyone else, he was always quiet unless directly asked a question. But Winchester evoked something in him, a sense of home and belonging he almost never felt with anyone else. And yes, some of the wonder came from the “what if” of the fairy dust factor. The way that everywhere he went with Winchester, everything he could do was amplified. Everything he could do, they could do better--together.

Still, he couldn’t really explain the feeling. The feeling of family. Of safety and peace and somebody willing to hold on to him. He was nervous, too. The things Wednesday had said, coupled with some things Winchester had said…. He would never judge this as wrong, he couldn’t, but it made him wonder and worry.

So he was usually the one to check in with Winchester. Or maybe really they did equally and he couldn’t remember or think about it that way. The truth, though, was that he wasn’t expecting what Winchester asked him.

“Shadow? Remember when I asked you if you were scared of me?”

“Yes, Winchester.”

“And you’re not, are you?”

“No. If...if you see any of that...it’s just because I’m exhausted.”

“And...and do you think anything we are doing is wrong?”

“Love, we’re holding each other together with paper and string and prayers,” Shadow says quietly.

“Yes. We are. And...and...Odin….”

“We are all Odin’s children, the ones called to it, aren’t we?” Shadow asks.

“Yes. Okay.”

“Just for some of us, it’s a little bit less abstract, but that doesn’t mean we can’t...have and be family. We need a family.” After a pause he turns and looks at Winchester. “Please don’t think we should take that away from each other. Not now.”

“No! Just…” There’s a long pause.

"Okay. So. Nevermind that. But last thing. Shadow...are you ever disappointed? In me?”

“What? Why?”

“Well, our…” They pause. “Our, um, arrangement, our life together.”

“I have never been. Never for a second.”

“Shadow….”

“It sounds like you might be gaslighting yourself, Winchester.”

“I…”

“We’re fine.”

“But I don’t--”

“Nobody is really everything to one person.”

Winchester lets out a breath.

“Is that it? Are you afraid you won’t fulfill me?”

“Y-yes.”

“Winchester, it's not even your job to do that. You can make the heavens move.”

“Do you need...more?”

“More than you’ve already given?”

“Because if you need-- I--”

“Are you saying you’re not enough?”

Winchester looked down into their lap and considered for half a beat. Then their hand finds Shadow’s. “I--yes.”

Shadow paused for a moment, not meaning to stop the flow of conversation so much that Winchester stiffened beside him.

“You are always enough. Everyone is. They’re all their own versions of enough.”

“But I--don’t--”

“What don’t you do?” Shadow sighs. “Wait, love, wait, let me….” He pulled over the car. They both stayed inside.

“You make me so happy just as you are, just as we are, but why don’t you…”

“Think you’re less? Are you asking why I don’t think you’re less?”

“Don’t I...give you less? I mean...are you bored?”

“Winchester,” he whispers. Then, firmer, “Stop. You’re doing the thing. Let me…” He was momentarily frustrated, but then just pulled closer to Winchester and held their hand.

“When you and I became friends...it was because you stood out from the crowd as someone who cared what might happen to me. There we were in college, and you were saving me from a bully.”

“Yeah…”

“Now, you’re a Winchester, and you put Sam’s existence above your own for years so you might just think that’s what anyone would do, but it’s not, love. And when we became friends….it was because I wanted to be your friend, I wanted to be in your space if you would let me. I wanted…”

“You wanted me...but how? Is this enough?”

“Please listen. You were the common denominator. Even as my friend. I trusted you and I haven’t been wrong yet. You are enough. This is enough. This has always been enough. And we will always be whatever we are. We’ll be right where we need to be. Odin, the universe, they make sure.”

“We’ll be…”

“We’ll be exactly what we need to be.”


End file.
